Aches and Pains

· Grief

There are the physical aches and pains of betrayal that I anticipated: the headaches, the clenched jaw, the tense neck and shoulders. I was quickly reminded of the gut wrenching effects of adrenaline to my bowels and the crushing pain in my chest, making it hard to breathe for weeks. I was surprised when my doctor pushed on my abdomen and shooting pain crossed my body. He said it was my uterus and ovaries. I asked why, and he said, “Maybe because your womanhood has been stolen from you.” I am plagued by deep pain in my hips, and my massage therapist spent a lot of time helping ease the tension. She said it was related to my emotional pain. That I am spending so much time trying to stay grounded, and that my muscles unconsciously contract to help keep my feet firmly planted.