Henri Nouwen
“Writing is a process in which we discover what lives in us. The writing itself reveals to us what is alive in us. The deepest satisfaction of writing is precisely that it opens up new spaces within us of which we were not aware before we started to write. To write is to embark on a journey whose final destination we do not know. Thus, writing requires a real act of trust. We have to say to ourselves: ‘I do not yet know what I carry in my heart, but I trust that it will emerge as I write.’ Writing is like giving away the few loaves and fishes one has, trusting that they will multiply in the giving. Once we dare to ‘give away’ on paper the few thoughts that come to us, we start discovering how much is hidden underneath these thoughts and gradually come in touch with our own riches.” [REFLECTIONS ON THEOLOGICAL EDUCATION – unpublished]
So many times, the words of Henri J. M. Nouwen have fed my soul. In 2010, when I literally thought I would die of a broken heart, his book “Can You Drink the Cup?” ministered to my spirit. Currently, I am savouring “The Inner Voice of Love-A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom” and it such a great blend of recovery and spirituality. But yesterday when I read the above quote, I realized I have stopped writing about my journey because I am scared that I don’t know my final destination and that my current emotions seem to flip flop from one extreme to the next. Welcome to my messy middle.