I'm Listening

· Comfort,Prayer

As I was going to bed last night, I suddenly knew that I wanted to stay home from my Bible study this morning. I struggled slightly with the question of which choice was “right” and a better version of self-care: not pushing myself to get out of the house and focusing on rest and kids, or the encouragement and love I feel when I attend church. But I chose what felt strongest in my gut and stayed home. I started slow this morning, and I ended up having a satisfying day with the kids at home. Then I received an email this afternoon that so delightfully affirmed my decision: the priest leading the study wasn’t able to teach today because he had the flu. So I didn’t miss anything! (Sad for him, but so glad for me!)

Also, as I woke up this morning, I had an overwhelming sense that I wanted to back out of a new 12-step study I had been looking forward to for months. It was a familiar feeling of panic that I am overcommitted and have too much recovery homework to actually complete anything well mixed with the anxiety of quitting or missing out. I wrestled again with whether doing the study or dropping out of the study was better self-care, but I kept feeling relief at the thought of saying no. And so I did. And I know in my spirit that it was right for me in this season.